Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Little House of Horrors

So as many of you already know, at the beginning of March we moved. Matt’s mom found us what was supposed to be a perfect little house, complete with a red door. Since we were previously living in a basement suite with windows that didn’t quite work properly, a crazy living above us, a dude with a curfew beside us, landlords living in Vancouver AND going through a breakup, it seemed like moving was a good idea. At first, it was. Sure, when we looked at the house originally it smelled funny and was pretty shitty looking, but that was just the previous tenants stuff/lack of hygiene/stupid little dog, right? I thought so. The house had a red door like I always wanted, how bad could it be?
206 maple st
Well it turned out, the smell was more than just having a shitty little dog in there with the windows all sealed up. It turns out, that smell was coming from the DIRT (murder) basement, where the floor drain had been splashing back up onto the “floor” which is made of dirt, so the whole house smelled like lovely algae (which is a great thing, since that’s how the toxic black mould gets started). Also, the house had done some serious settling, and the drain to the street has almost no slope, which doesn’t move the water very quickly and causes it to back up and let some lovely sewer gases up through the bathroom sink and bathtub. The kitchen sink was leaking, the bathroom taps barely worked, and the washing machine (which is located conveniently in the kitchen) had been leaking so badly and for so long, that the hardwood in the entrance to the living room is completely destroyed. Most of these had been dealt with in the first week, and I put a rug over the particularly scary part of hardwood until I can get around to priming and painting the whole thing. Then the snow melted and I saw the yard.

The previous tenants filled the roll-out garbage can so full of un-bagged/prohibited garbage materials that the city refused to pick up the container and it turns out the backyard is a disgusting mess. The snow melted to reveal beer bottles and cans, broken lawn ornaments and gardening equipment, children’s toys, pieces of old carpet and furniture, old tires???, a completely destroyed fire pit and an entire corner of the yard is littered with dog feces. And even though there’s a little shed in the back, the lawn mower had been ditched in a snow bank for the winter. What looks like it was originally a box built to fill with soil for a garden is full of oil containers, broken stools and random pieces of scrap metal.

Obviously I expected some yardwork for the spring, as part of our rental agreement is to maintain the yard, which we were actually looking forward to, but I'm not sure we have the ability to dispose of the sheer amount of garbage in the yard, specifically the old tires, furniture and carpet. Our garbage bin is simply not big enough for that, and filling it with things like old tires and carpet will get us a $200 fine from the city. Also, I don’t think it’s my responsibility to go through someone else’s garbage.

Anyway, we’re going to start cleaning up what we can next week, and then anything else, I’ll either try to sneak into one of the neighbours’ roll-away cans, or just get the truck from the farm, fill it with shit and bring it to a pit out of town to set on fire. Now that the weather is warming up, I’m also going to get painting the living room and kitchen, because while the place isn’t perfect, it might as well look as good as it can, since we’re here now, and I don’t want to be miserable in my own home.

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Why Guy Fieri?

I have been saving this post for quite a while. Since Matt and I watch the Food Network almost constantly, leaving it only to catch House, The Office and Modern Family, the chefs on the network are basically our celebrities. Some people get excited about the goings-on in the life of one Robert Pattinson, while I get excited at the thought of eating in the restaurant of Masaharu Morimoto or eating Chipotle-anything made by Bobby Flay.
While I have a respect for most (even if I don’t love their personalities) I have developed a serious distaste for the host of “Diners, Drive-ins and Dives”. His name is Guy Fieri, and he is the definition of a douche. To be even more descriptive of what I observe him to be: it wouldn’t surprise me if he has a barbed-wire/tribal armband tattoo that only goes halfway around.

As if it wasn’t bad enough I had to deal with him on one show, he also has his own show: “Big Bite”. Here, he really amps up the chauch-factor with his sports-themed kitchen, stupid friends and all the camera close-ups on his tacky chunky rings. He frequently says things like “That’s money” and describes his style as “kulinary gangsta”. However, up until recently, Guy Fieri has been a nobody to the general public.

Here he is, reacting to someone’s [truthful] comment that bleaching your hair hasn’t been cool since 1997:


He is now the host of NBC’s “Minute to Win it”. It’s a shitty show too, but STILL. Why him??? I want to know who thought this guy deserved not one, but MULTIPLE shows on MULTIPLE networks. Apparently he won some sort of “The Next Food Network Star” reality/elimination/game show to get his first show. But how? Who thought putting someone like him in front of a camera was a good idea? And then once he was given his own show, wouldn’t they give him a stylist? Might that stylist suggest NOT bleaching and spiking his hair? Might a stylist also suggest some clothes that fit and don’t make him look like the love child of a fat Don Johnson and a basketball player turned biker? Doesn’t he have a wife suggesting “Now that you’re in your 40’s, you might want to think about taking your earrings out and getting rid of the gawdy chains?” Can’t he be nominated for What not to Wear?? I just don’t understand how year after year, he gets a new show, but keeps looking like a fucking idiot in every single one.

Initially, I was very fired up that he was given ANOTHER show. But then I realized, now everyone will KNOW who Guy Fieri is, and they can join me on the side AGAINST Guy and his stupid short-sleeved dress shirts, tacky chains, bleached (AND SPIKED!) hair, sweatbands and general stuck-in-the-90’s-ness (and not in a good way). Let’s all nominate him for What Not to Wear and hope they do a “celebrity man-child” edition. You’re probably not yet convinced he deserves it. I’ll fix that:



dnews diners guy fieri

Yeah, you saw correctly, he’s wearing an ankle bracelet, like some kind of bad 90's porn star (were there any good ones??). I just wish I could find a picture of him with his shitty sunglasses on the back of his head. Case closed.

Need your mood lifted?

Watch this, playing close attention to the background dancing.

Saturday, March 13, 2010

Ultimate Rock Ballads

I must have this collection.  Here are a few of the highlights:

Eye of the Tiger - Survivor
I Want to Know What Love Is - Foreigner.
Over My Head - Fleetwood Mac.
Black Velvet - Alannah Myles
Against All Odds (Take a Look at Me Now) - Phil Collins
Ready For Love - Bad Company
Time For Me to Fly - REO Speedwagon
Feels Like the First Time - Foreigner
I'll Stand by You - The Pretenders
Don't Close Your Eyes - Kix
What's Love Got to Do With It - Tina Turner
If This Is It - Huey Lewis & the News
These Dreams - Heart
You're No Good - Linda Ronstadt
Don't Forget Me (When I'm Gone) - Glass Tiger
Love Is a Battlefield - Pat Benatar
Fly Like an Eagle - Steve Miller Band (seriously?)
Bad Time - Grand Funk Railroad
Just Between You and Me - April Wine
Eyes Without a Face - Billy Idol
When I'm With You - Sheriff
Alone - Heart
Miracles - Jefferson Starship
Open Arms - Journey
Rosanna – Toto (bahaha)
One That You Love, The - Air Supply (Is the lead singer a dude?  I can’t even tell)
Keep on Loving You - REO Speedwagon
Piano Man - Billy Joel
Total Eclipse of the Heart - Bonnie Tyler
Heaven in Your Eyes - Loverboy
All by Myself - Eric Carmen
More Than a Feeling - Boston
(Don't Fear) The Reaper - Blue Oyster Cult
Hungry Eyes - Eric Carmen (bahaha)
Flame, The - Cheap Trick
Paradise by the Dashboard Light - Meat Loaf (If I am ever able to sing this song at karaoke, I can die happy)
Final Countdown, The – Europe (YESSSSSSSS)
Don't Let the Sun Go Down on Me - Elton John (It’s no Tiny Dancer, but still excellent)
Lady - Styx
More Than Words - Extreme
Nothing's Gonna Stop Us Now - Starship
I'd Do Anything For Love (But I Won't Do That) - Meat Loaf
Amanda - Boston
Owner of a Lonely Heart - Yes
Every Rose Has Its Thorn - Poison
More Than Words Can Say - Alias
Waiting For a Girl Like You - Foreigner
Babe - Styx
Hot Child in the City - Nick Gilder
Lay Down Sally - Eric Clapton
Hot Blooded - Foreigner
Life's Been Good - Joe Walsh
We Are the Champions - Queen
Kiss You All Over - Exile
Dust in the Wind - Kansas
Double Vision – Foreigner
To Be with You – Mr. Big

Just for an extra evidence as to why you should purchase this (as if you needed any), check out this fantastic video:

(haahahha, 1:50-2:00)

Monday, March 8, 2010

Meez is the smartest

Since we moved, we’ve been letting Meez out the side door of the house.  We don’t use that door to go in and out because it’s a bit of a hassle, but it goes into the backyard and that’s where Meez needs to go.  Anyway, last night, Matt let him out around 11:30 pm.  We went to bed and I woke up startled at 6:30 am, realizing we had not yet let Meez in.  In the basement suite, Meez could come to out bedroom window and meow to be let in at any time of night.  In the new place, our bedroom is upstairs.  The chances of us hearing him meow at the side door is slim.  Naturally I felt very guilty about having locked the poor cat outside all night in the new neighbourhood.  I ran downstairs in the hope that he was waiting by the door, but no such luck.  Sad and feeling very guilty, but still tired, I went back to bed.  Around 9 am, we awoke to a scratching noise at our bedroom window.  When I opened the blinds, Meez’s face was there, concentrating very hard on trying to open the window to get in. 
This cat somehow knew we were in the bedroom, climbed up on the roof of the porch and scratched at our window.  How did he know our bedroom window was the one on the front of the house not the back?  Why didn’t he just wait by the kitchen door for us to let him in?  How did he get on the roof at all?

Anyway, I was very impressed.  This cat just gets better and better.


Sunday, March 7, 2010

Stupid things overheard…

Access Hollywood lady: “All this talk about babies can make a girl hungry!”

???  Does she eat babies?

Friday, March 5, 2010


On March 1, around 7:30 pm, Minnie [finally] had her kittens.  Of course, since we had moved into a new place, she wasn’t comfortable anywhere except our bed, so try as we might to put her on an old blanket, right before she went into serious labour, she ran up onto our bed and under the covers.  She had four kittens up there, and then I thought she was finished, so I moved her into a clean box lined with an old bed sheet.  I stripped our bedding (which now looked like a murder scene) and went to wash it.  Half an hour later when I went to check on her, there was a fifth kitten.  I am not sure how all of those kittens fit in there, but they all came out squirming and healthy.  

Minnie is an excellent mom and they have been gaining weight quite quickly and are getting less rat-like by the day. You’ll notice in the above picture, the kitten on top of the pile has a kink in her tail.  Two of the three tortoise-shell kittens have a kinked tail.  They inherited this trait from their straight-outta-Siam Siamese father, Meez.  The other two look like they will be fully dark grey or black.  Cuter pictures will be taken next week when their eyes are open.
Despite much worry about possible eating of the kittens, Meez has been an excellent male.  He seemed totally disinterested in the kittens, and for the first few days was only allowed supervised visitation, but now we have an open door policy, and he has been spending a lot of time sitting on the stairs outside their room on guard.  Yesterday, when Minnie moved them into a closet, one was actually on the floor near him and crawled up to him.  Meez looked confused, but sniffed the kitten’s head, licked it and made a comforting ‘coo’ noise.  Then he left, bored with their rat faces and raptor noises.


In other news, after weeks of lamenting that I had no excuse to go to Walking With Dinosaurs, (what am I supposed to do?  Just go by myself?  Or even take Matt?  I had to find at least one kid to go, or else I would look like a total loser) Matt’s niece called with a sick mom and two tickets for the show.  I got very excited and agreed right away.  Now that I think about it, though, I probably should’ve pretended like it was a big inconvenience, but I guess I would do it.  Now Matt’s sister probably thinks I am a big loser because I was all “omgwalkingwithdinos???!!”  Oh well, it was awesome.

p_00128 Stegosaurus is my fave.  I know it’s a shitty photo, but it was taken from the upper level of SaskPlace with my phone, so don’t judge me.

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

He’s right.

Even though I hate his accent, he’s right.  Young people need to step up to the plate and care for a change.  We could send a very serious message if we could all get over our apathy and get involved.