Tis the Season

Now that temperatures have plummeted below -15 and stayed there, I feel it necessary to bring this up, because it's driving me batty:
The wind chill has no effect on whether or not to plug in your vehicle.

Every night on the news they say, "It's -15 outside, feels like -27 with the wind chill.  Bundle up and plug in your vehicles!"
No.
Your engine will only cool off to the ambient air temperature and then stay there.  The wind chill will not make your engine "feel like -27".  It's easy to remember if you just realize that engines don't feel.

Further reading here if you don't believe me.

The more you know.

Oh... but it's ok if you bundle up.  It's effing cold up in this bitch!

Why wouldn't you want to work in retail?

5:50 pm. Customer enters the store. Liz is on greeting duty.

Liz: "Hi there, just to let you know we're closing in about 10 minutes."

Customer: "You guys close at 6?"

Liz: "Yes we do."

[Now disgruntled] Customer: "Well some people are just getting off work right now."

Jacquie thinks: "Yeah, us. We are just getting off work because the store is closed, motherfucker."

"News"

Dear "News" "Reporters",

I don't care what randoms tweet about current events. If I cared about what people posted on Twitter, I would sign up for a Twitter account.

Stop being lazy sons of bitches and do some of your own reporting. You should all be ashamed of yourselves.

Regards,

Jacquie

Open Letter

Dear Food Service Workers,

If I'm waiting for you to finish wrapping my wrap, and the only piece of conversation you can come up with is "It's hot out today." (It was +7), save that stupidity for the next guy; I'd rather have the awkward silence.

Thanks,

Jacquie

Sports Fans

Smarten up.  The riots in Vancouver this evening following the Canuck’s loss in the Stanley Cup final scares the living shit out of me.  People who get so riled up that they will become angry and destructive over something as trivial as a hockey game worries me.  Cities that pull this shit should have their team taken away. This is total stupidity and is actually quite scary, seeing what people will do over a shiny cup and a stupid game.  To quote a friend of mine, Steven F, “The Vancouver riots prove that average intelligence in the population is at a record setting low.”

How does a hockey team losing affect your daily life?  Is the sun going to fail to rise?  Are you going to lose your job, your home or your family?  In case you’re a hockey fan and are therefore too dumb to know the answer: NO, YOU’RE NOT.  This kind of sports fanaticism bewilders me, and the mob mentality terrifies me.  Protest when the government destroys your freedom.  Protest when something meaningful happens or your basic needs are threatened.  But when your hockey team loses, just go home and cry.

Grow up, assholes.  This is seriously embarrassing.  Care passionately about something that MATTERS.  Oh, and stop blaming the goalie.

Vote it up! Last day!

Let’s Vote, People

 

http://compellingcomics.justsomeguy.com/CanadaVotes2011/Canada.html

Start reading, educate yourselves and register to vote.  We can change the way things are going, so why don’t we?

Still gets me

I totally forgot about this video until today, and the ending still gets me.

My Idea

I have an idea for a great new reality show: Husband Hunters.  It will chronicle the lives and exploits of “those girls”.  Everyone knows one: they come in many forms and disguises, but have one thing in common: they want to get married.  Preferably to a rich professional, but as they reach mid-to-late 20’s, they settle for anyone who will marry them.  Every aspect of their life revolves around finding a man to settle down with, at which point they can kick off their shoes and socks, get knocked up and never think another original thought again (assuming they had an original thought to begin with).

The most common form is the serial monogamist.  She is the girl that skips from one serious relationship to the next, and refuses to be alone.  Is she incapable of being alone?  Maybe, but we’ll never know if that’s true or not, because she never will be.  As soon as one relationship ends, she’s back on the husband hunt, going home with guys from bars, joining every online dating site possible and frequenting student lounges in male-dominated educational institutions.  She asks about every male friend you have: your roommates, your brothers and any classmates or acquaintances.  This girl is not so subtle, she’s always asking “Is he single?”  She’s fun and outgoing, having lots of friends in her brief bouts of being single.  But then she disappears into a relationship, never to be seen nor heard from again unless her current BF has a best friend she wants to set you up with or until the next breakup, at which time she resumes being fun and spending time with her girl friends.  Make sure you don’t get a boyfriend before her, though.  She will sabotage that shit.

The other common form is the high-maintenance husband hunter.  This is the girl that walks into your Math 110 class 6 minutes late every day with tons of makeup, big sunglasses, knee-high boots over skinny jeans and a giant purse, but carries no books and might even be wearing a bump-it to get super awesome volume out of her hair extensions.  This girl will walk into class late, talking on her cell phone, sit down next to the first decent-looking guy she sees, and asks him questions like “So what are you taking?  Pre-med?  No?  Ok see you later.” at which time she’ll move onto the next one.  These girls enroll at the university (or maybe aren’t students at all) just to hook a husband.   In the US, she’s likely part of a sorority.

Audrina Patridge is a good example of a husband hunter—why else would anyone date Ryan Cabrera?

This show would be awesome, someone is guaranteed to get pregnant on purpose to “save” a failing relationship.   And a few years later, they can move on to being “Real Housewives” of whatever city they happen to live in!

Actually, now that I think of it, I think this might be what The Hills was about…

Does one of these descriptions sound like you?  You can be on the show!  Or maybe you want to learn about husband hunting?  Good news, there’s a book for you to read! (http://www.buzzillions.com/reviews/men-secrets-ultimate-husband-hunter-how-attract-enjoy-dati-reviews)