Sunday, December 1, 2013

Classic Tales from On Off-Broadway

Yesterday I was minding my own business, shopping for a dress for the Christmas party and I overheard THE most typically hipster conversation I have ever heard in real life.  I am working on the assumption that this conversation was taking place unironically because it came about very organically.

Two guys wearing the iconic hipster glasses
and one holding a brandless coffee cup and wearing one of those toques that look like a sloppy foreskin on the back of your head

were asked by the sales girl where they had purchased their delightful coffee drink.  Actually, first she asked if it was tea, and she barely managed to mask her disappointment when she heard it was NOT tea from the locally owned tea shop ("It's locally owned, you know.").  But he quickly recovered her hipster respect when he told her it was BLACK coffee.  BLACK coffee from the locally owned Broadway Roastery.  Then she said something about a good hazelnut coffee they have there--and he went off.  Don't even get him started on all those flavored creamers.  Or flavored COFFEES for that matter.  Because, as far has he's concerned, if you have to add cream and sugar to your coffee, you shouldn't be drinking coffee at all because you can't appreciate it, or that is BAD coffee.

On its own, that part was fine, I expected it would end there, there are some very passionate black coffee drinkers out there, I get it.  I feel a lot of feelings for drinking Guinness.  But then Toque-ster started talking about his trip to Costa Rica which of course led the entire group of them to an anti-Tim-Horton's rant.

"When I was in Costa Rica, (probably at an all inclusive) I learned SO much about what good coffee ACTUALLY is.  Now I can't even drink Tim Horton's, even though before I went to Costa Rica I would crave a Timmie's, like, every day.  But now I can't even handle it, I hate it."

Ok, let me stop you right there, Toque-ster.  This doesn't make me respect your taste in coffee, all this shows me is how impressionable you are.  You went from loving something to vehemently hating it.  And only in the case of ex-lovers is this permitted.

A few minutes later, when it seemed safe, I navigated the hipster cluster to approach the till to pay and a Tim's card fell out of my wallet.