This was my last week manning the infamous fruit stand in Confederation. To round out this memorable summer job, I thought I’d take some time to recognize a few of my best customers. I’m going to share with you a few snapshots in time from my summer, brought to you by people that truly exemplify Confed at its finest:
A Monday, 10 AM, 30-something grease ball, possibly female, weather: 21 and sunny
”If I buy 6 corn right now, can you guarantee that it will still be good to eat tonight after I leave it in my car all day?”
A Tuesday, 6 PM, 60-something male
”Throw some more cherries in there. I’m paying $14; I want more than this. Put more in the bag. Give me extras.”
Wednesday, mid-day, early 20’s male
”Is this fruit freshly picked? Is it locally grown? Like within 100km?”
NO. WHERE in SK are we going to grow Satsuma oranges??
Monday, 7 PM, 50-something male, after completing fruit purchase
”So now can I squeeze you?”
Monday, 11 AM, 30-something male
”Don’t you think $5 is a bit expensive for this?”
No, I don’t. Nor would it matter if I did—I don’t make the prices. Don’t want to pay $5? Don’t buy it.
Sunday, late afternoon, 40 something male, buys a peach, commences eating it right in front of the stand
”Oh I could just eat peaches all day long. These baby potatoes look good. If I buy them, will you come home with me and cook them in your panties?”
And finally, a few photos I’ve taken over the summer that really illustrate Confederites’ fucked-up sense of entitlement (“I’ll park wherever I damn well please!”), and their ignorance, poor driving skills, and absolute obliviousness to manners, etiquette and their surroundings in general. All of them are titled “So NOT a parking spot”.
Don’t forget the fat van, they too were parked like assholes!
Good riddance, Confed. See you on the x-ray table.
It’s worth noting, though, that I did have a few very friendly, very nice regular customers. Headset lady, corn guy, yellow-cherries convert, handlebar-moustache racist, Can-do delivery creep, weed-smoking kidney dude, fast-talking crazy lady with husband, nectarine-eating taxi driver, baby potato guy with red truck, diabetic dude in white car and German guy in pinstripe suits. You were rays of sunshine in my day.
Fear not, readers. Where my Confed fruit monging adventure ends, my SIAST attending one begins. Many of my classmates will be fresh out of high school. I am confident that life for th enext year will continue to provide me with excellent Engrish Comics material.