Sunday, December 27, 2009

Autobiography: A White Life

For Christmas I got a hilarious book called “Stuff White People Like: the Definitive Guide to the Unique Taste of Millions”.  Awesome.  Anyway, there are a few pages with a fill-in-the-blanks autobiography template for white people.  Enjoy and feel free to do it yourself!

Scoring” +1 point for all accurate answers.  Award bonus points as indicated.

Autobiography by Jacqueline (+5 for two last names)

I was born in a suburb of Outlook.  I hated every second of it.  Growing up, I just wanted to be so much more, and I knew I would be a famous pianist in New York City(+2 for international city).  Middle school was pretty uneventful, except I remember trying alcohol (+2 for drugs) for the first time and getting really sick.  I should have learned my lesson then, but of course I didn’t.  I was so unbelievably awkward in high school, it was terrible.  I didn’t make things any easier by being part of the school band (-1 for sports team).  We were such nerds.  I was always so jealous of the cool kids and their parties, and secretly I always hoped I would get invited to one.  Then, one time in my senior year I actually got invited!  I was so excited, (random name) was going to be there.  I was so obviously obsessed with him.  When I got there, he didn’t even notice that I was alive.

That year, all I did was fantasize about leaving.  I got into University of Saskatchewan (+3 for liberal arts college, +2 for ivy league, +1 for state school) and could not wait to get there and completely reinvent myself.  My first year was incredible: I took all these great classes in Philosophy and Physics (+ 1 for each liberal arts, –1 for science or math, –2 for business).  Eventually I would switch my major twice (+1 for twice, +2 for three, +5 for four or more) before settling on Linguistics (+1 for liberal arts, –1 for science and math, –2 for business).  I played Muai Thai Kickboxing (+5 for Ultimate Frisbee, +4 for rugby, +2 for kickball, +1 for softball) in college and had great time.  After our games we used to go to this great local Thai food shop and I would always order the curry.  Too bad I can’t find a good one in this city!

I will never forget the time that I saw Thornley (+10 if music eventually featured in Apple commercial).  It was before they got big, it was incredible—so intimate.

By the time I reached the end of my sophomore year, I had experimented with student society involvement. (+1 for drugs, +3 for bisexuality, +1 for student government), and I made up my mind to never do it again unless presented with an exceptional opportunity. 

After graduation, I took a year off to teach in Thailand (+1 for work abroad, +1 for travel, +3 for volunteer/Peace Corps). It was incredible, I learned so much about myself and about life. 

There is more to fill in, but sadly this is where my autobiography currently ends, as the next few sections are about domestic life, home renovations, animal rescue and childbearing in suburbia after I have entered a career.  I guess that part will have to wait.

1 comment:

Dylan Laine said...

LOL! I know this is a joke but OMG, It was shockingly accurate in places... eeeeek