Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Two Update Tuesdays: Making New Friends

The other night I met a new person. While I was happily watching Iron Chef, Newbie reaches for the remote at the commercial break and is all, "Can I just check something else quick?" Of course, no problem. That implies he will take up the commercial break with a TSN stopover at the football game. Most Saskatchewanites want to check the score on the Rider game on a Sunday night, and although two years ago, this would’ve lost them a few respect points, now that I’m back in the country, I’ve mellowed. There are a lot worse things to be subjected to than a Rider fan. Anyway, that wasn’t what he was after: he turned on the PGA tour… for the next 90 minutes.

When we finally made it back to the Food network, some guy was cooking up bangers (sausages) in Guinness.
Newbie: "Ugh, Guinness."
Jacquie: “Guinness is my favorite beer.”
Newbie: "Really? Have you tried any others? Guinness sucks."

And then he took a swig of his Coors light--straight out of the can.

That guy dropped in respect points FAST. He lost 150 points in a matter of seconds.
*50 points lost for hating Guinness
*50 points lost for TELLING me about hating Guinness
*50 points lost for making me miss the Iron Chef

He's in a tough place to recover from. In fact, he'll have to combine quite a few of the following traits to make it anywhere back near zero:
*has issues with Thai people
*loves kitties
*world renowned physicist
*is hilarious
*gives me rainbow suspenders
*gives me no less than $100 000
*tells me I have an awesome car
*pays for my schooling
*gets FOX News taken off the air


Dylan Laine said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Dylan Laine said...

OMG, literally I was laughing so hard I had tears in my eyes!!! What a douche!!!

Ps: I was going over that list of things and was happy to see that I could effectivly check off several of them... however, i would just like to clarify a couple points...

*gives me rainbow suspenders
If I could give them to you without the inevitable homophobic remarks that would inadvertingly follow I would... besides I'm not giving you the ones in my closet!

*gives me no less than $100 000
As you, and my genetics, will refuse to allow me to work this of in sexual favours I feel this point is at a stalemate

*pays for my schooling
If I could I would...

**world renowned physicist
I would like to think that being a world renown Biologist would be enough... or at least the fact that I am known professionally on 2 separate continents...

*gets FOX News taken off the air
Working on it...

Lojo Beautiful said...

The only thing more awesome than this post is Dylan offering sexual favors.