Wednesday, September 24, 2008

A Few More Reasons To Love Chuck (get on the bandwagon, I'm driving and have been for the last 10 years)

I've been enjoying yet another of Chuck Palahniuk's genius literary works. This novel, Rant, is fantastic, as I've come to expect from this author. Here are some of my favorite, and I think, epic quotes.

*

Everybody wanting the same mass-marketed crap. Saying it's for their kid, but really it's not. All these fat, middle-aged dumbshits just want something to kill time. Nothing dark and edgy or challenging. Nothing artsy.
Just so long as it's got a happy ending.
A love story strained through somebody's rose-coloured brain.

*


A drunk driver doesn't care that you've been painting for years and your first gallery show opens next week. How bogus is that? The fifteen-hundred-pound elk, the one standing in the shadows at the edge of the road, ready to jump, it has no idea that our baby is due next week.
The greasy brake lining or the cell phone talker...
The loose lug nuts or drowsy truck driver...
It doesn't matter for crap that you've got three years of sobriety or that you finally look good in a two-piece bathing suit or you've met that perfect someone and you've fallen deeply, wildly, passionately in love. Today, as you pick up your dry cleaning, fax those reports, fold your laundry or wash the dinner dishes, something you'd never expect is already stalking you.

*

Everyone wants to feel special--attain a special status among their peers--but not too special. Most kids only want to be special the same way their friends are special.

*

Uplifting? Not really. Intelligent? Extremely.

Sunday, September 14, 2008

Engrish at last!

The 8th grade students at the school were given a questionnaire with the question:
"Where do you see yourself in 10 years?"

One child decided to use their obviously stunning knowledge of definite articles and answered:

"In 10 years, I will live in the Big house."
Subtleties impossible to teach.

This kid also was going to "the university" in "the London" and traveling to "the New York".

When in doubt, add articles.